So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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