Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm always down for nudity.
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