Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
