And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were destined to go to rehab together
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
