Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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