everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
