she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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