you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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