Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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