porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
