Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
