how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
