So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
