I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
