Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
