you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
