After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
