i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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