watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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