i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what day is it and did you see me today?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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