he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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