Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
