I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
