And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im holly from the hills drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
