you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Randomize
