I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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