Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
