i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
