I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am available for nakedness
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