I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
