i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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