4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
