he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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