I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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