i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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