this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize