his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
