Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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