Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
