girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
