god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
