now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
