the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
