I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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