watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
