So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
