Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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