If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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