On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
