I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
