please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
