Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize