the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How's work?
Spinning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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