How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
