I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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