Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
