Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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