i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize