omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
