we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
