WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
