Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
