So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
