Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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