We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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