Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
