just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
