i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
