I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
