get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
