Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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