She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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