So drunk its hurt
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
