Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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