well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
