It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
