R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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