All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
